Why does this always happen to me?
by Xxle-grellxX
Summary: Hi I'm Luna. I didn't want a new life but my parents had other plans... So now where am I? I'm living with two rich bastards who go to some school for the rich and annoying and are in some Host Club. And how this happened? Well it was supposed to be a summer vacation that turned into this. Why is nothing normal for me? Ugh at least Haruhi's there to keep me sane. OCxHC
1. First sight

_**Oh my god how am I going to manage with all these stories?**_

_**I have like 5 stories and I write like 2 chapters a day in 2 hours because I'm so lazy I don't edit**_

_**This is an Xxle-grellxX story, welcome if you are new and not used to my madness**_

_**It gets very fucking crazy ahead**_

_**Very**_

_**I am the author of madness with stupidity that only I can imagine**_

_**You have been warned**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the legendary Ouran High School Host Club but I wish that I did**_

_**Warning: I don't really do these anymore and you've already been warned didn't you see that little bugger up there**_

_**Course you didn't cuz you don't read these anyways haha**_

_**Fun Fact: I have two accounts, both of which have stories but you'll never find both HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

_**Also I don't give a fuck when OHSHC takes place, here it is in modern times**_

_**Get it? **_

_**Got it?**_

_**Fantabulous with Shizuo on top of Izaya because that's how it werks**_

* * *

"We are going to have SO much fun!" I exclaimed as i fist pumped. My brother gave me a small smile in agreement as we got off the plane and prepared to spend our summer in Japan. You see every year we both got to choose somewhere that we wanted to go (where the hell we wanted in the entire fucking world) and it was my turn so being the Japanese anything lover that I am it was only natural for me to choose this place. Of course my brother didn't speak the language so I would have to be the translator but I really didn't mind- if anything that made me even more excited.

"Yeah haha so much fun Luna…" my brother laughed nervously and that's when I realized that something was seriously wrong. It would explain my silent brother who seemed almost depressed, and why my parents had brought more luggage than I had packed- they explained it as "I'm a girl and they know I'll change my mind and want to wear what I haven't brought," and I had listened to them without much curiosity. I thought it was odd but kept my mouth shut.

"...Grayson what are you not telling me?" I asked as I loomed over my brother in a creepy fashion. Funny enough he's older than me by 2 years yet he's four inches shorter than I am. I call him CADET LEVI!

Grayson looked at the floor with a guilty look on his face and quietly denied knowing anything which I knew was total bullshit so I only pestered him further. I _was_ going to figure out what I didn't know. I always did.

Always.

"Grayson don't make me bring on the Levi stare of death and destruction upon your ass." I threatened as we walked over to the luggage area to get all of our crap. He just shook his head and avoided eye contact. Oh this is bad, he NEVER ever- unless it was really, and I mean really bad- avoided eye contact. "Grayson you're starting to freak me out, just tell me. I promise I won't be mad at you."

He sighed and I did a small little fist pump in victory. "Well you're going to find out soon anyway so better now than later when they get here."

He rubbed his temples before continuing. "You see Luna, remember how Mom and Dad wanted to get you into a private school for really smart people?"

"Yes?"

"Well they took your grades and some letters from your teachers to this school in Japan called Ouran Academy or something and they accepted you. Funny thing is that this school is really more for rich kids and they know how bad you are with time management so they somehow- don't ask me- found a rich family that will take you in and care for you as long as you aren't a bother."

"...What?" I hissed through clenched teeth. Dude I thought they had given up on that. I made it _very fucking clear _that I wanted to go to a normal school with normal people and have a normal life and then they went behind my back and practically sold me off to some other family and didn't even bother telling me. Dude I am fucking pissed right now. If Satan was here he would be shitting his pants and crying in a corner. I was that mad.

"What family is it exactly?" I asked trying to stay calm. Before I flipped out I wanted to know exactly what their definition of "good" would be so I could be the polar opposite. "Hitachiin I think…"

Hitachiin, Hitachiin, where have I heard that name before? Oh! I remember now! They design clothes and stuff. "Also if I'm correct they have two kids -twins- your age attending the academy as well, so I think we both know what Mom and Dad intended to do there."

"So our parents went behind my back and practically sold me off to another family, forced you to tell me, and want me to get married to some bitch that I'll have to live with whose probably a complete asshole?"

"Yep." my brother nodded and smiled sympathetically. "Oh wait and aren't there two of them?"

"Mhhmmm."

"Whelp, I'm more screwed than Izaya Orihara at a Shizuo Heiwajima convention." I said as I grabbed my phone and headphones so I could listen to music and not be so pissed off. I decided to put on "Shissou" by Last Alliance since that always put a semi smile on my face. It was a good fucking song, what can I say?

We waited around for a bit after we got our luggage before two orange (WTF ORANGE HAIR?!) haired twins and a butler looking man approached us. Which meant it was time to leave my past life behind and begin a new one. And I did not want to do that, this should be illegal, not allowed.

I could read lips so as the music blared in my ears I saw my brother mouth out to the man "She's still pretty pissed off about this- in fact she just found out about it- so just ignore her death threats, I assure you she doesn't mean them."

"Death threats?" one of the orange haired twins asked. I still can't get over that hair, it is going to bug me for all eternity. The other teenager looked at me like I was some disease that he didn't want and I flipped him off back. Hey buddy, I hate you too, the feeling's mutual. "Luna! Be _nice_."

"I was being nice. He was clearly flipping me off with his eyes so I returned the favor, isn't there a rule that goes a little something like oh I don't know, treat others how you want to be treated?" I asked feeling rather annoyed. Dude my life had just been ruined in 5 minutes the fact that I wasn't killing someone right now was a miracle and I promise this is as nice as I'm going to get. I saw my brother's chest move more than it did to just take a breath so I know he sighed. "Look I'm really sorry if she causes problems, she just really doesn't like the idea of this, I promise in time she **will **calm down."

I'll calm down the day Sebastian Michaelis and Levi Ackerman are real people Grayson and you know it. And I know that he knows. And he knows that I know that he knows. And I know that he knows that I know that he knows. After that I said goodbye to my brother and reluctantly left with the strange people taking all my belongings to my new home.

We reached a really nice car 5 minutes and the only thought that went through was _'Fucking rich people…'_ as I climbed in and was squished in the middle (not really it was pretty roomy but those two assholes decided to just be all up against me) of the two 15 year olds and frowned. "Uhh guys news flash but there is a whole fucking car for us to share, you don't have to be all up on me…" I pointed out.

"What are you listening to?" They asked in unison completely ignoring me. Before I could even reply I felt the ear buds yanked out of my ears and saw that they had both put one in each of their own. "Hey! Give those back!" I whined and they shook their heads replying that they liked that song. _'These guys are assholes…'_ I thought to myself as I sank lower into the seat wishing I could disappear. This honest to Kira was the last place I wanted to be right now.

I'd rather be in heaven then here.

Heaven.

_Heaven._

Finally some time later we arrived at some huge ass mansion and I took that as my cue to push through those two weirdos- reclaiming my headphones in the process (fuck yeah!)- and get out of that thing called a car. Except it was way too big and fancy to be even considered that.

In front of me lay nicely cut bushes and healthy roses with perfect trees, not a single flaw in sight. Because I bet instead of feeding starving children they decided their garden was more important. I really hate rich people so much right now if someone laughs over my misery I will shove a foot up their ass. And I will make them Titan chow. It will become my personal conquest- no goal- to make sure they have the most painful, awful death ever created.

Worse than anything Sebastian Michaelis or Claude Faustus could think up. It would be so bad that they would shudder in fear at the mere mention of my name.

Alright now I'm ready, now I'm ready to take on this new life and beat whatever it throws at me. I have been motivated by my hatred for this.

Bring this shit on.

* * *

_**Whelp that was an awkward ending**_

_**~News~**_

_**The collab story shall be posted shortly so look out for that *wink* I have written it with Sobstory**_

_**New Why did I ever step foot outside the woods? Chapter is up after a week**_

_**It's complicated chapter up yesterday I think (I don't fucking know)**_

_**It is almost summer! I would like to thank the Titan Gods themselves**_

_**Black Butler season three has been pushed back to July *cries***_

_**~In the funeral parlor with the Host Club and Xxle-grellxX~**_

_**Hikaru: I don't like this girl**_

_**Luna: Bitch I don't like you either**_

_**Kaoru: BE NICE TO MY BROTHER**_

_**Luna: Fuck no *laughs***_

_**Author-chan: Can I just say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE everyone in the host club, but Tamaki? **_

_**Tamaki: *grows emo mushrooms in emo corner***_

_**Kyoya: You're not the only one trust me**_

_**Mori: yep**_

_**Honey: CAKE**_

_**Author-chan: CAKE**_

_**Luna: Anime woot woot**_

_**Violet: Can I hide in here?**_

_**Kyoya: Why?**_

_**Violet: Claude**_

_**Tamaki: What a pretty lit-**_

_**Claude: fuck off she's mine**_

_**Author-chan: Don' hit me Violet, but technically she belongs to me so no**_

_**Ranka: I'm Ranka**_

_**Luna: Yes indeed you are**_

_**Haruhi: Luna? How do you put up with them**_

_**Luna: who said I did**_

_**Fun Fact: Koalas Can Give You STDs**_

_**Koalas are evil**_

_**See ya next time friends~**_

_**Oh wait...**_

_**I don't have friends**_

_**Oh yeah**_


	2. Awkward Introductions

_**Hai**_

_**I like trains**_

_**and cake**_

_**and all kinds of shit **_

_**So welcome back to my madness, I'm glad to see that some of you decided to stay forever and sad to see that some left ~dramatic tear~**_

_**So yeah this is just a chapter sort of explaining who exactly Luna is because well we're still in the exposition and blah blah blah it'll get better soon and blah some OOCness blah blah**_

_**Cats**_

_**But it's alright you don't read these anyways**_

_**I'm satan and that's ok because you aren't reading this**_

_**Sebastian is fucking a nun again holy shit what**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC thank the titan gods or things would get weird fast, it would -in a nutshell- become the definition of a crack fest**_

_**And you all know it**_

_**Fun Fact: Eren's titan form is based off of a martial artist named Yushin Okami.**_

_**Fun times we're having up in the author's note that no one reads**_

* * *

"…Get out."

"Why?"

"I'M CHANGING!" I screamed as I threw one of my many anime shirts at the two maids. Dude, this is like… awkward. I know they're just doing their job but I don't need help getting dressed. Believe it or not, I'm not that stupid, trust me I at least know how to put pants and a shirt on.

"That's why we're here to help you." They replied kindly and I sighed rubbing my temples. "Please get out." I half asked politely and they nodded quickly leaving. Finally some alone time for a bitch to get dressed. _'I need to thank the titan gods themselves that they actually left me alone later'_ I thought to myself giggling. Ah anime, there's nothing better than it, except maybe eating.

And Izaya Orihara- EXCUSE ME- Shizuo Heiwajima.

I quickly pulled on my custom made (black)Durarara! Tee with Shizuo and Izaya in mid battle and some regular black skinny jeans with of course black converse. I also put in some silver hoop earrings and added my Izaya cosplay rings to the outfit as well. Perfect, this should do nicely.

I like it anyway which is really all that fucking matters. I really couldn't give less of a damn about those twins. I didn't even know their names for Kira's sake! See can't you tell how much I _don't _want to be here.

Because it's clearer than Ludwig's windows.

I gazed around my room a bit in complete awe; I had been so focused on my outfit I hadn't gotten the chance to look around the huge area yet. I swear this could be considered a house- the room was that big. And it was mine. I also noticed that there were a few things here and there. There was a giant bed in one corner with a big black bookshelf parked next to it and a flat screen TV directly across from said device created for people to sleep on (a bed).

There was a giant closet on the left side of the room and not too far from it another door which I was guessing led to an equally nice bathroom. There was a mini little couch in the middle of my room and an equally as small (and expensive looking) table in front of it. The walls were purple (thank Izaya they weren't pink) and the carpets were black. Overall it looked pretty nice.

And very expensive which is something I was not used to. At all.

Sure I went on trips every year but that was just my brother and I, and trust me we had a very limited budget. And we did that on the second-to-last week of summer anyways which is when plane ticket prices seemed to go down a little bit (for some reason) so yeah…

My phone buzzed on my bed and I immediately swooped it up like a hawk and answered the call seeing that it was my best hoe (friend) Emily. "Oh my Kira girl what is up?"

"Oh you know tax rates, gas prices, the sky, clouds, America's debt, Dylan's ego, my rage…" I replied nonchalantly as I twirled a bit of my dark purple hair out of habit. "Why girlfriend? What's wrong, was there a problem with the flight or something?" She asked with concern in her voice.

"No. Worse. Much worse."

"What?"

"Well you see let's just say I'm not going to be at Highschool, you'll be on your own my Otaku friend."

"Whhhhaaaaaaaaaa?" she whined and I could tell she wanted details and a good explanation. Dude this was my friend of 7 years I was talking to. This was not easy for her or me. "Yeah so umm I'm in Japan, but it looks like I'll be living here from now on. See I guess Mom and Dad got some brilliant idea in their minds to send me off to some academy, and don't ask me how, but they managed to find a family –a rich as fuck family if I might add- to watch over me."

"…"

"Your parents are assholes."

"You just now figured that out?"

"No I've known but seriously? Is that even legal?"

"Perfectly." A voice butted into our conversation and I sent a glare behind me before whipping around at Light speed to face the teenager. "Who is that Luna?"

"Some idiot whom I do not care for." I replied as I ignored the orange haired boy- well until he took the phone out of my hands. Oh becoming Izaya Orihara are we now? Two can play that game bitch.

Two can play that game.

I felt a growl growing in the back of my throat and I prepared to lunge for the asshole, anger probably gleaming in my eyes. I wasn't particularly strong, or a good fighter for that matter but I did know how to hurt a bastard when I needed to and I can assure you I wasn't bad when it came down to a fist fight.

"Give it back."

"Why? I thought I was an idiot." He denied sarcastically causing a groan from me. Looks like we have to do this the hard way. I heard a few "What's going on guys?" from said technology which only fueled my frustration. Something in the back of my mind told me that I was not going to get along with this family- or at least not the bratty kids. "You know acting immature like a young child isn't helping the rich people are assholes stereotype." I pointed out my patience starting to run thin as I held out my head as if I actually expected him to willingly give up the phone.

But he didn't, which was definitely the wrong move.

"Look man I'm trying to be civil here." I sighed with my hands up trying to keep my patience from snapping. Sure, I wanted to beat this guy to a bloody pulp but it was my first day here and I didn't want to make a too horrible first impression. Last I checked beating up rich kids in their own home did not make you popular with the parents or staff.

Not like I wanted them to be fond of me but I wasn't really in the mood to face my parent's wrath so I was limited on options here. "Doesn't seem like it."

"Okay then here I guess we had the wrong greeting. My name is Luna Shimmerman and I'd like my phone back if it isn't too much trouble…"

"Hikaru." He grumbled with that same glare he had given me earlier at the airport. Ah so it was this asshole. "Ok then, Hikaru, may I please have the phone back so I may talk to my best friend halfway across the world that I will probably never get to see again because my parents don't care that I don't want to be here?" I asked politely still half expecting him to act like a 4 year old.

"Fine." He muttered sounding slightly annoyed since I had used the tone one would use when gently scolding a kindergartener which he was totally acting like right now. "See that really wasn't too hard was it?" I asked gently with just the slightest bit of hostility in my voice to show that I was still very pissed off but was at least making an effort to be nice.

Like I said no screw ups on the first day.

I should at least wait 3 weeks before pulling any major stunts. Give them a chance to know a false me and force them to rethink everything when they see the real me.

"So Hikaru what's your brother's name?" I asked now rummaging through my stuff seeing as my friend had hung up the phone in all the commotion. I started putting clothes in drawers waiting for an answer from the young teenager. "Come now, I don't have all day."

Yes I can be nice.

It's just rare. Especially when I'm mad. And don't get me wrong I was still extremely pissed off but I'm not going to take out my frustrations on someone who is pretty much in the same position as I am. They were forced into this too after all and I'm never mean to those who don't deserve it. I'm not that cruel, sure I may be a _tad _sadistic like Erika and Walker but I wasn't down right insane.

"Kaoru."

"So Hikaru and Kaoru. Hikaru's the right twin and Kaoru's the left." I said more to myself than anyone. "What?" he asked slightly confused and I decided just this once to explain something about myself to him.

"Look Hikaru, I have a photographic memory and if I'm correct you were the one glaring at me at the airport and you were on the right side, you also part your hair to the right and sat on the right side of me in the car. Kaoru was on the left side, unless I'm mistaken and your brother glared at me-meaning that you two switched parts at some magical time I didn't notice- so that's what I mean by that. I heard a soft "Oh" like he got it before I heard awkward shuffling footsteps indicating that he had left the room. And I immediately fist pumped in victory.

I could tell that I had just mind fucked him badly and he needed time to rethink life properly from my half mood swings to creepy accurate observations.

I'm simply one hell of a otaku what can I say?

* * *

_**Yatta (yay) *claps hands* awkward and weird end**_

_**As usual- that is my specialty after all, making the end absolutely confusing and mind raping the reader- I mean uh**_

_**~News~**_

_**Why did I ever step foot outside the woods? Chapter shall be posted tomorrow I promise DON'T HIT ME I AM WRITING FIVE STORIES ON THIS ACCOUNT AND TWO ON MY OTHER**_

_**I AM A BUSY PERSON NOT LIKE YALL CARE THOUGH**_

_**Collab story put on hold for a day or two- Sobstory is having technical difficulties (sorry if you read that story)**_

_**I ate all the babies**_

_**I really don't know why I post news when you guys couldn't care less**_

_**~In music room three with the host club, Luna, Xxle-grellxX and other insane anime characters that we all know and (mostly) love~**_

_**Luna: No EMILY!**_

_**Emily: LUNA!**_

_**Hikaru: I feel mind fucked Luna is weird**_

_**Author-chan: Good you aren't supposed to understand her, no one is**_

_**Kyoya: So she's going to be that girl?**_

_**Author-chan: that girl? What?**_

_**Izaya: he means that she's goi-n *Gets whacked in the face with a vending machine***_

_**Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**_

_**Melody: *sighs* I am really getting tired of this you guys**_

_**Violet: Yay story crashing!**_

_**Raven: Woot woot Imma kick a demon's ass woot woot**_

_**Crimson: Yayayayayayayay**_

_**Melody: So, Luna how is it in OHSHC**_

_**Luna: Weirder than Izaya Orihara**_

_**Izaya: I'm weird?**_

_**Honey: Cake!**_

_**Lawliet: Cake?**_

_**?: Shit no you've released the demon**_

_**Claude: I thought I was the demon**_

_**Author-chan: Can we just get back to the damn host club?**_

_**Kyoya: agreed, I don't know any of you people and I can tell you're mostly a waste of time**_

_**Haruhi: So nice Senpai**_

_**Tamaki: Darling flow-**_

_**Luna: this can be considered sexual harassment blondie.**_

_**Hikaru and Kaoru: We don't understand this girl**_

_**Everyone: No one does**_

_**Maria: No one is supposed to**_

_**Author-chan: Holy shit hey Maria...how's it going in deleted story land?**_

_**Death: Everyone run. Now**_

_**Fun Fact: The name Dante means "Everlasting" in Latin.**_

_**Now we know why that whore in FMA was named Dante**_

_**Now**_

_**we**_

_**know**_


	3. Uhh who are these people?

_**Hey guys see I told ya it would be updated today**_

_**Just never when**_

_**KSESESESESESESESESESESE**_

_**Anywhore I already ranted about this but today it was fucking raining... on Memorial day...**_

_**No**_

_**I'm done**_

_**Just send me to the Trancy Manor because I'd rather spend the rest of my terrible life with Claude**_

_**I'm so done**_

_**So**_

_**Fucking**_

_**Done**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC (sadly) and I never will because we all know how that would turn out**_

_**Also still no reviews but whatever I'll keep writing because I can**_

_**I bet yall are just shy *winks***_

_**Fun Fact: The average person falls asleep in seven minutes**_

_**WHY DO I KNOW THESE THINGS?!**_

* * *

After that little escapade of non-sense with those two weirdos it finally seemed that I was actually going to get some peace and quiet so I quickly thanked the titan gods and grabbed my Durarara manga out of my luggage. I don't leave my manga behind- ever. Ever. EVER.

EVER

I thanked my past self for being so smart to pack ALL of my wonderful shit called manga and anime CDS (So I wouldn't have to wait for like a week for it to be shipped here and what not) and quickly got dick deep into that shit. And it was then that I remembered how much I really loved anime, and how amazing it was.

I had just gotten through book three of Durarara when out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of movement from the huge-ass window and decided to investigate but quickly returned to my haven when I saw it was just a limo. I did not give one Sebastian fucking nuns about who was in that limo or how important they were.

They can go fuck themselves in the ass with a screw driver for all I care. Ok… so maybe I am still a little pissed off but in all fairness I was just plucked up from my home and sent to Japan to live with rich bastards. I have every right to be as mad as Shizuo right now.

Besides I'm a fan girl, therefore somehow your argument is invalid.

Feeling still pretty annoyed I switched from Durarara to Black Butler in the mood for something a little more dark while playing the Kuroshitsuji soundtrack. I tried to focus on that but it seems fate had other plans for me yet again because not even 5 minutes later some blonde ass bitch came bursting into my room spouting some shit about princesses and beauty or something. Someone please just kill me now.

I didn't even glance up from my book and completely ignored him for as long as I could before even I had enough. With one movement I chucked said manga at his face and screamed "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" praying that he would get the message. But nope this guy was dumber than Misa when it came to love because he kept his ground.

In fact almost as if nothing had happened he kept spouting his non-sense at me while holding out a rose- and excuse me is that bitch _sparkling_? The fucker was in my room, offering a rose to me that he had probably taken out of his ass while he sparkled…

O-kay then.

"Get out of my room." I repeated sternly as I gave him a serious look that said I was not in the mood for this bull crap. "What a beautiful princess we have here today, please have no fear, I'll take wonderful care of you my dear beauty."

O-kay what the fuck is this guy going on about? Someone needs to take care of me? I think not. "Uh how about no?" I replied frowning as I pushed past the faggot and walked out of my room into the maze of hallways only to bump into some faggot with glasses not even 5 seconds later.

Oh hi there other person who I shall completely ignore as I try to get away from sparkles over there. "Tamaki being an idiot huh?" he asked me and I nodded my head- forever etching the name of Tamaki onto the list of people that I hate.

Ok maybe I'm over reacting a little bit- but hey would you like someone who just burst into your room and acted like you completely loved them? No I didn't fucking think so.

"So who are you?" I asked the guy with glasses deciding that he probably wasn't too mentally insane like that other freak and hopefully safe enough to talk to. Maybe this guy was actually civilized. **Oh that's cold. **Yeah so are freezers, what's your point here?

"I am Kyoya Ootori, third son of the Ootori family."

Yeah I didn't really need your life story there buddy but whatever I guess. "So I'm guessing that you're friends with that freak?" I questioned and at the word freak I swear the entire hallway turned gray as he found a fucking _emo corner _in the _middle of the motherfucking hall. _And then he started growing _mushrooms._ What the fuck? Who grows mushrooms in an emo corner in the middle of a hallway when they're called a freak?

"O-kay then…" I said awkwardly as I pushed past the now skulking blonde Tamaki and continued trying to find some solitude from these idiots but to no avail. It seemed like when I was finally making the slightest bit of progress I bumped into some 7 year old kid.

Oh dear Izaya who is this? Are the twins secretly Claude Faustus the dad of pedobear? I wouldn't be shocked. Maybe from now on I'll have to call them Stein and the Earl of Trancy (Alois's "dad") just in case.

Just

In

Case

"Uhh hello kid what are you doing here all by yourself?" I cooedin a sing song voice as I crouched next to the kid only to notice a giant –his nickname shall be Reiner the Armored titan from now on- standing next to him. "Mitsukuni is 17." He stated bluntly and I just stared at the blonde 17(?) year old with disbelief in my eyes.

"There is no way in hell something so cute and innocent looking like that is 17 years old." I replied in complete shock as I pointed a wavering finger at him. "No Luna-chan I'm even older than Mori-chan." He smiled and I felt completely mind raped. Clearly this child is Izaya Orihara in disguise. I mean the dude even knew my name and I hadn't told anyone here such a thing.

"Well then let's say that actually is true, if it is then what are you guys doing?"

"I was looking for cake!" the blonde replied as he cuddled a pink bunny that came out of nowhere. Either that or he is secretly Izaya AND France and just pulled the bunny out of his ass since France is so talented at doing that with roses. The logic I use…

"So you were looking for cake… where there are rooms that people sleep in… and not, oh I don't know, the kitchen?"

I seriously am just having the hardest time wrapping my head around these people. At this rate my brain will become more liquefied than Misa's.

Well fuck.

* * *

_**YATTA**_

_**These endings were always fun for me... because they suck what**_

_**Izaya: Indeed they do.**_

_**Author-chan: WHO LET YOU OUT, BACK IN YOUR CAGE UNTIL ITS TIME FOR THE AFTERMATH SHIT THINGY**_

_**~News~**_

_**Why Did I Ever Step Foot Outside the Woods? shall most likely be updated tomorrow**_

_**It's Complicated was updated like today**_

_**Collab Story... I think we'll get the next chapter up by Wednesday... like I said we are having technical difficulties**_

_**We're sorry**_

_**But not really**_

_**HAHAHA**_

_**~In Stein's lab with the host club, ghost reading assholes, and party crashers for icecream and cake~**_

_**Lawliet and Honey: WHO SAID CAKE**_

_**Hope: I did**_

_**Beyond: Kill... Hope... she...take... BBs... jam**_

_**Luna: Oh joy, he's talking in third person**_

_**Kyoya: How fun**_

_**Tamaki: What a beautiful princess, her eyes shine like the brightest star in the sky *gets kicked where no man should be kicked***_

_**Hikaru and Kaoru: 0.0**_

_**Luna: What I felt somewhat threatened**_

_**Honey: Do I really look like an 8 year old**_

_**Lawliet: Yep**_

_**Author-chan: THANK YOU FOR BEING SO BLUNT KIRA L YOU'RE LIKE A FUCKING BASEBALL BAT *covers mouth* oh shit no**_

_**Melody: BASEBALL BATS**_

_**Izaya: Get back here Melo-chan~!**_

_**Shizuo: Izaya you damn FLEA GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!**_

_**Author-chan: *shakes head* so Kyoya, Haruhi, since you're the only sane people here how's it going**_

_**Kyoya: Fine**_

_**Haruhi: These people are insane**_

_**Lelouch: I have joined the chat **_

_**Author-chan: Yeah I started watching Code Geass and Lelouch can I just say I love you and Jeremiah... you because you're awesome and also have Izaya's voice actor and Jeremiah because you have Shizu-chan's voice *glomps***_

_**Lelouch: I command you to get off of me**_

_**Author-chan: No fuck your geass I'm not leaving**_

_**Violet: LELOUCH SAVE ME FROM CLAUDE**_

_**Claude: I don't see what I did wrong**_

_**Everyone: You existed**_

_**Mello: BBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN**_

_**Near: Mello if you could please quit being such an idiot and giving me a headache that would be fantastic**_

_**Mello: FUCK YOU NIA!**_

_**Matt: now calm down**_

_**Fun Fact: Cat's urine glows under a black light**_

_**Sebastian: Why do you know these things?**_

_**Hope: Hey crazy cat lazy at least it had to do with cats**_

_**Sebastian: Hope... you and I have lived in the same house for like 4 years, clearly you know I'm not a female yes?**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	4. First day

**_I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I HAVE SO LITTLE TO LIVE FOR BUT IF I DIE THEN YOU CAN'T READ THIS STORY_**

**_*proceeds to cry like a little bitch*_**

**_So yeah I'm back what's up?_**

**_Melody: Izaya's ego_**

**_Violet: The sky_**

**_Luna: Gas prices_**

**_Raven: my love for Alois_**

**_Faith: Demons heads go flying up, up, up in the air!_**

**_Everyone: *disgusted and creeped out face*_**

**_Claude: Even I felt a little freaked out by that_**

**_Mello: shut up no one likes you fuck face_**

**_Hope: Mello I ate all your chocolate_**

**_Mello: WHHYYYYYYYY?!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own the legendary OHSHC because we all know how badly that would end up..._**

**_Fun Fact: The Japanese voice actors of Haruhi and Hikaru are married in real-life._**

**_I know we all probably know that one but I just find it so cute and always get so mushy when I see it_**

* * *

"No, No, no I'm NOT wearing that _thing _to school. I would much rather go in Claude Faustus cosplay to a Sebastian Michaelis convention then ever be caught wearing that _thing _you dare call a dress." I denied shaking my head as I continued to rant about the awful piece of clothing. It was a giant poofy dress that would already look hideous without color and to top it all of it was yellow. A very disgusting shade of yellow. It looked like those gross peeps you'd get on Easter if they were multiplied by 9,001. Dude it was bad.

"You have to it's the uniform." The maid insisted and I pulled out the student handbook. Yes I read those, why? Well I'm one who looks for the loopholes in everything. I flipped to a bookmarked page, knowing this problem would arise and read the paragraph I needed out loud to said maid.

"While Ouran Academy has uniforms they are not required. We do not force our students to look all the same, so that they can still show individuality. Of course uniforms are encouraged and we are always glad to see a student in one. For those who do not wear the provided clothing there is still a dress code. Nothing may be shorter than mid-thigh and we prefer if you have little to no cleavage showing. Also please do not wear things that may be distracting in the teaching environment- such as giant bows or obnoxious headbands- and for obvious reasons no profanity on your clothing." I finished the paragraph by taking a giant breath. I'd like to see you read that much and not take a single breath during it. Bitch it's difficult.

The maid just had a shocked look on her face and I smiled sweetly at her. She hadn't done anything to provoke me so she shall receive kindness (somewhat anyways). "I'm sorry I just am not a fan of the dress and I'd much rather wear my own clothing. Although I would like a little privacy so you are dismissed." I waved my hand towards the door as I looked through the closet which had all my clothes. Thank Izaya they had come in yesterday.

After about 5 (More like 15) minutes I finally decided on black skinny jeans, my custom made white shirt with an "L" printed in the middle of it-because Death Note is the shit- and my knee-high gray converse. That'll make a real nice outfit. You know I'll stick out and everything.

Because fitting in is for pussies.

* * *

~OH LOOK AT AUTHOR-CHAN CALLING A TIMESKIP BECAUSE IT'S NOT AUTHOR-CHAN- IT'S KYOYA-SENPAI WHO BLACK MAILED HER~

"Holy shit burgers there is no way that's a school!" I exclaimed pointing at the giant _pink _–Ugh- building. Dude that shit was bigger than Izaya's insanity. Bigger than Sebastian's confidence. Bigger than the Shizaya fan base. Bigger than Shizuo's di- erm let's talk about something else now.

"Well believe it or not it is." Hikaru stated bluntly. "How? This thing could be considered… I don't even know what could possibly be this big." I said in disbelief as I continued to gawk at the school. There is no way in hell that I'll ever be able to find my way around this place.

Fucking rich kids and their huge-ass schools…

* * *

~TIME SKIP BECAUSE IZAYA HAS A KNIFE NEXT TO MY THROAT, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?~

I half-listened to the teacher droning on and on to the obviously bored class. I had always hated the first day of school- it was boring. Sure we didn't have homework or any of that shit but it was complete madness. And like Izaya Orihara I found mass confusion and misery fun- but not when I was on the receiving end.

I stole a glance out the window before turning my attention to the girl next to me with giant brown eyes. She looked rather concerned at the moment and being the nice person I was I quietly tapped her shoulder and mouthed a "What's wrong?" to her. "I lost my contact." She mouthed back and I cringed a little bit for her.

Since I was a cosplayer I understood her pain. Losing a contact sucked more than a gay porn star. I looked at the teacher who was still of in lecture land, failing to notice that no one gave an honest fuck about what he was saying, and got on the floor trying to help the poor girl find her contact lens.

After about 15 minutes of being unsuccessful the bell rang for lunch and I internally fist-pumped a little bit. Finally I am starving! "Hey I never caught your name." I said casually as I faced the brown haired girl and she gave a warm smile. "I'm Haruhi, and you are?"

"My name is Luna." I replied in an equally nice tone.

"So I hate to say this but I don't think we'll be finding that evil clear thing any time soon and by now I don't think you'll want it back. Will you be alright without it for the rest of the day?"

"Yeah I brought my glasses just in case something like this would happen, but I never thought I'd be this unlucky on the first day." She gave a nervous laugh as she pulled out her lunchbox and I did the same. I saw her pull out a book on law and my eyebrow raised. "Say Haruhi do you want to be a lawyer when you're an adult?" I questioned pointing to the thick book and she nodded. "Yeah it's always been my dream since my mom was one…" she trailed off looking a little sad.

I decided to change the subject. "So did you get one of those merit scholarships?" I asked stuffing my face full of fried rice. Damn I love rice… "That obvious?" she giggled.

"Well you didn't seem to be a snob. And you aren't wearing a uniform. And let's not forget the fact that you want to be a lawyer- now I don't know much-since I'm not rich and what not- but I do know that most of these people don't have to lift a finger once they're out of high school and just have to wait for their parents to die from being fat asses so they can inherit the company."

**Why'd you have to word it like that? I mean I know it's the truth but still…**

"You're not rich either? Well I guess that makes sense seeing your outfit- and you don't seem to be a snob yourself."

"Actually… I kinda maybe sorta became rich maybe overnight but don't really want to be." I muttered more to myself more than anyone. Haruhi cocked her head to the side in curiosity and I quickly explained my situation. "So your parents practically sold you to the Hitachiin family? Wow." She whispered in astonishment and I nodded just as the bell rang. I saw Kaoru walk over to my desk and he placed a note on it before walking (strutting) back to his own.

I unfolded the note and read it.

_After school go to Music Room #3, you have to wait there for a while since my brother and I have something that we do after school there every day. –Hikaru _I was about to crumple up the note when I decided against it and wrote my own before folding the paper into an airplane. I threw it at him and it effectively hit him in the head.

**What the holy fuck do you have to do after school? It's like the first day Kaoru. That's right KAORU, you can't fool me so don't even try to mind fuck me with your little games or else I will destroy you with my own antics –Luna**

I saw his eyes skim through the words before he scribbled something on the paper and threw it back at me- trying to hit me in the face, but epically failing when I caught it.

_I'm in a host club. –Kaoru._

A host club? What the holy fuck is a host club?

I sighed and rubbed my head knowing that this day was long from over. _I could really go for a nap just about now._

* * *

**_Aww our poor Luna stuck in a new place all alone without friends_**

**_Haruhi: What about me_**

**_Author-chan: shut up Haruhi you adorable little shit_**

**_Haruhi: Thanks?_**

**_~News~_**

**_WDIESFOTW- updated yesterday_**

**_It's complicated: probably will be updated tomorrow_**

**_Why does this always happen to me? You're here_**

**_Collab: Hopefully by Wednesday because I have to write it and then she has to edit it and shit_**

**_You have to remember I have 2 accounts, both with stories_**

**_I'm thinking of making a third one :3_**

**_~In the Host Club with the Ouran cast, Xxle-grellxX and party crashers for cake and ice cream~_**

**_Luna: I like anime_**

**_Hikaru: I don't like how she's able to tell us apart, it's annoying because it's no fun to mess with her_**

**_Kyoya: I thought you boys wanted to be told apart_**

**_Author-chan: Kyoya they contradict themselves remember? _**

**_Kaoru: Don't you do that as well Author-chan?_**

**_Author-chan: Shh people on the outside world don't need to know that child, Izaya might just st-_**

**_Izaya: Author-chan~_**

**_Melody: Somebody fucking help her_**

**_Tamaki: Oh what a beautiful princess we have with blue hair and eyes that shine like the most wonderful ocean_**

**_Melody: RAPE RAPE RAPE!_**

**_Izaya: Mine! HANDS OFF BLONDIE SHE'S MINE_**

**_Violet: damn overly possessive boys..._**

**_Melody: I understand your pain now Violet_**

**_Claude: Pfft what Violet is happy being my pet, isn't she_**

**_Violet: You want the honest answer?_**

**_Claude: Yus_**

**_I APOLIGIZE BUT VIOLET'S LANGUAGE WAS A LITTLE BRUTAL EVEN FOR ME SO IT HAS BEEN BLOCKED- WE ARE SORRY FOR THE INCONVEINENCE_**

**_Fun Fact: The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000._**

**_Ciel: Chess?_**

**_Ciel: CHESS?! CHESS!_**

**_Author-chan: Oh dear Kira_**

**_Light: You called?_**

**_Lawliet: LIGHT BY SAYING THAT DO YOU COMFIRM THAT YOU ARE INDEED KIRA_**

**_Author-chan: Look L I LOVE LOVE LOVE you but shut the hell up_**

**_Adios Chicas~ See ya next time *winks*_**


	5. After school activities

_**Oh shit I got it updated on time**_

_**For once fate wasn't being a whore and sucking so much dick that it let me update at the proper time**_

_**Of course I bet the second I try to upload this my computer'll crash**_

_**Life just hates me that much**_

_**Like all human beings... *cries***_

_**Izaya: Even I don't like her**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own OHSHC and we all know that in fact these disclaimers are fucking stupid as Misa- except even dumber. (Is that possible?)**_

_**Fun Fact: The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns.**_

_**WHY DO I KNOW SUCH POINTLESS THINGS?!**_

* * *

"Ok so explain what the ever loving fuck I'm supposed to do while you're crushing hormonal girl's dreams and stomping on them like the dick dippers yall are."

"You could just sit down and watch." The one with glasses suggested. "You could eat cake with me!" Honey smiled. "You could go fuck yourself." Hikaru muttered. "I heard that chicken shit!" I yelled at him.

After that little drama I ended up just skulking in one of the corners watching these guys getting everything set up. Dude… whoa. I never though rich kids could actually work as hard as they did. Dude… I was left with no words, because believe it or not they did a fantastic as fuck job.

I looked around the abandoned music room in awe. In 30 minutes it had transformed into what appeared to be the desert with sand covering the floors and everything. Their costumes even matched, with them wearing somewhat poofy tan pants and no shirts.

My guess is any normal girl would've fangirled. Hardcore-losing-their-shit-and-squealing fangirling. "Whoa I didn't think you guys could actually do something that involved physical labor but daaammmnnn." I commented.

"Well in regards of the host club we're all glad that you enjoy it." Kyoya (the faggot with glasses) told me monotonously as he typed Kira knows what on that laptop. For all I know he could be playing Minecraft. Wait do rich people play Minecraft? Or do they like have their own rich games by rich bastards for rich bastards? How does that work? No seriously this is going to bug me until I find out the answer. Do they play games like COD and Halo?

Dude those games are awesome.

For the entire time that the host club was sucking up to the female population of Ouran Academy I just peacefully sat off in a corner thinking about what kinds of games rich people played. The _entire _4 hours, well except for that part when Honey almost ripped my arm from my socket and made me eat cake with him, but even then the thought crossed my mind several times.

It was not until we got out of Ouran though and into the car (limo) that I snapped out of my little trance. The twins were talking shit about all the girls in the club today and I couldn't help but feel a little curious about this. "Hey guys if you don't like those girls then why the hell are you part of the host club? Is it just because it's fun to watch them be idiotic fangirls?"

"Honestly… we lost a bet." They answered in perfect sync. "To who?" I asked digging deeper than I probably should into the subject. "Tamaki."

Wait blonde Tamaki that is very likely just a reincarnation of the Viscount Druitt from Black Butler? I mean for fucks sake they even have the same eye color. Anywhore… "Wait, Tamaki?" I started laughing. "How did you lose to _Tamaki_?!"

"We don't know." They replied glaring at me. O-kay that is um.. creepy.

Praying for some sort of miracle to happen I just silently sat in the car until I felt my phone vibrate. I guess for once Izaya was actually on my side. I quickly opened the phone and covered the screen- to keep the pesky teens from reading it- and read the message sent from my brother Grayson.

**Luna how are you doing?**

**Horrible.**

**Why is that?**

**These twins wouldn't know privacy or personal space if it bit them in the ass.**

**I'm sorry to hear that. **

**Grayson I want to go home! I want to see my friend Emily and talk about anime. Just anime everywhere.**

**Hey I miss you too believe it or not, trust me I didn't like this idea either.**

**Then why didn't you talk Mom and Dad out of it?! They always listen to you!**

**I tried.**

**Whatever I have to go before these twins gang up on me and steal my phone.** I sent the last message glaring at the said orange haired boys, seeing as they had started getting closer and closer to me as I was having a conversation with my brother. Who at this point was the only family member I didn't hate. "What makes you think we'll take your phone?" Kaoru asked. "Hikaru did the other day when I was talking to my friend Emily." I replied dryly as I tried to push the two _away _from my body.

They were practically on top of me. Yeah, I was a little more than uncomfortable.

Dude I felt more uncomfortable than L giving that speech when he scored perfectly on that college entrance exam.

More uncomfortable than an innocent girl watching yaoi for the first time.

More uncomfortable than Sebastian stuck in a room full of dogs. Oh wait, no that's just pure hatred- which isn't too far from what I'm feeling right now. I really don't like Hikaru and Kaoru very much. I mean it was mostly Hikaru- Kaoru at least _tried _to bear my existence- whereas Hikaru just flat out hated me.

Sometimes I think my parents just did this to tell me to stop hanging out with guys so much and to be friends with my own gender. For some odd reason (my clothes got destroyed) they were never really fond of me hanging around guys so much. Especially when I started middle school.

In a nutshell, my parents are mentally insane. How they're allowed to live out in the normal world still confuses me.

* * *

~PIRU PIRU PIRU PIRU TIME SKIP YOU GUYS WITH AN ANGEL FLYING THROUGH THE SKY AND FLASHING HER PANTIES-QUOTE ERIKA…SOMEWHAT~

"Gaahhh I feel like Shizuo if he was stuck in the same room as Izaya, but he was restrained so he couldn't hurt the sexy man whore!" I complained into the phone as I talked with my best friend Emily. She understood the hell I was going through and didn't abandon me like all my other "friends."

Nice.

"That bad? Geez what are the twins doing to you?"

"Well I mean it's almost like they're trying to mind rape me or something. It's like they think they can use me as a toy or something… damnit I think they have the same personality type as I do."

Ok so let me explain- my whole otaku group was obsessed with personality types. WE all wanted to know what we were classified as- what we were like to other people. I was an ENTP. In a nutshell I was Izaya Orihara (just not quite as twisted)

"What, they're ENTPs? No… dude that must really suck for you. I mean now you have a challenge when it comes to mind games…because ENTPs are known for loving to play games, that's why it's best to be straight forward with them."

"You don't need to tell me what I already know."

"You sound tired Luna."

"Well I've been killing 8 year olds on XBOX again until they cry." I stated without emotion in my voice but a grin on my face. I am an asshole, I won't deny that much.

"Of course."

"Well it keeps me from destroying these twins with my own games, you know the rules of these kinds of things are to at least wait three weeks before doing anything big so that they can get comfortable with you." My grin grew even wider.

"Yeah that's true."

Those twins better look out, because sooner or later they're going to get nailed hardcore.

* * *

_**I like trains**_

_**Sorry if this sucked more dick than those sluts you find dead in the alleyways before you slowly turn around and just walk away**_

_**I tried. (not really- I don't know what "trying" means)**_

_**Me much love reviews good and bad**_

_**much love**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- shall be updated tomorrow**_

_**It's complicated- updated yesterday and almost finished (2 chappys left) *cries***_

_**Collab- this is just complete clusterfuckery don't ever ask me how that one is going EVER**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- you're here (I hope you guys know that)**_

_**~In my house with me frowning because I hear Digimon and want to kill 500 people now with the Host club, Xxle-grellxX and other anime bitches for cake~**_

_**Author-chan: someone please kill me**_

_**Izaya: gladly**_

_**Violet: I have a headache, Claude is ranting on again about how I belong to him**_

_**Sobstory: Oh please have a pregnant fit!**_

_**Melody: I really don't think you want that Sobstory girlfriend**_

_**Cielsakitty: Agreed I helped create Violet's character (I actually fucking did so shut yalls damn face flaps before I turn them into doors and do it for you)**_

_**Author-chan: Cielsakitty we talked about this, you gotta at least try to make nice**_

_**Cielsakitty: What is nice?**_

_**Violet: Behold everyone the real life version of me *points above***_

_**Kyoya: Hold on, I thought she was based off of Author-chan...**_

_**Author-chan: I LIED!**_

_**Hikaru and Kaoru: Whoa they fooled Kyoya**_

_**Honey: Cake**_

_**Author-chan and Cielsakitty: OMFK SO CUTE!~**_

_**Shizuo: Where's Izaya?**_

_**Zach: Yeah I need to beat the shit out of that fucker**_

_**Luna: OH MY GOD ALL THE ANIME CHARACTERS! SQUUEEEEEEEEEE! I LOVE ALL OF YOU ESPECIALLY YOU L, GRELL, UNDERTAKER, MELLO, NEAR, MATT, IZAYA, KASUKA, SHIZUO, MASAOMI, CANTERBURY AND SO ON!**_

_**Lawliet: Someone please make her stop talking**_

_**Nekozawa: Join the black magic club? What about you pretty girl with the red streaks**_

_**Hope: Uhh no thanks I um... already... ha no black magic for me**_

_**Lucy-EXCUSE ME LUCIFER: Why?**_

_**Mimi-I MEAN DAMIEN: Yeah what's wrong with a little black magic**_

_**Sebastian: You guys are demons that constantly torment her**_

_**Mimi: So are you**_

_**Author-chan: Shh Hope doesn't need to know that**_

_**Hope: The fuck someone help me from this creep chasing me **_

_**Beyond: Give BB more jam Hope**_

_**Beyond: JAM JAM JAM JAM!**_

_**Author-chan: Oh god**_

_**Light and Izaya: You called *glares at each other***_

_**Fun Fact: The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	6. Wait hold on, you've lost me

_**So yeah I'm so happy**_

_**I get to go to some anime shit with my friend**_

_**And I've had a Durarara! marathon**_

_**Dude Durarara though**_

_**Dude... whoa**_

**_And I updated without taking a week which to me is like an eternity_**

**_And I finally chose a favorite for Durarara!_**

**_Izaya: It's me isn't it?_**

**_Nope it's Shizu-chan!_**

**_Shizuo: But is that really a good thing?!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC and I hate doing this disclaimer shhheeeiiittt_**

**_Fun Fact: Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married._**

**_As Rem would say humans really are disgusting creatures_**

**_Hope: Damn right we are_**

* * *

"What's she doing?" I heard one of the girls ask as I furiously typed on my laptop. Aww another horrible day at Ouran, thank Kira it's lunchtime. I obnoxiously shut my laptop and glared at the two gossiping girls before opening my mouth to speak.

"I, madam, am writing because unlike half of the people at this school I have an IQ greater than 5 and am actually able to perfectly execute such a task called typing without a flaw."

They both gave me the nastiest look before storming off to who fucking cares were which left Haruhi and me alone to eat our lunch in peace. Haruhi raised an eyebrow at me, but said nothing. "What?" I asked reopening my laptop and returning to my story writing. Ahh the joy of writing fanfictions.

"Don't you think you could've been a little nicer on them?"

"They were staring at me like I was a freak because instead of jacking off I was actually doing something productive and you know I do enjoy being different but I am not a fan of being looked down upon."

"That still isn't a valid excuse to be rude like that. Besides how is writing a fanfiction productive?"

"Well you want to be a lawyer so you read books on law, and I want to be an author-I swear laugh and I'll kick your ass- so I have to practice writing." I stated simply as I furiously typed on the keyboard without even really looking at the keys or the screen. I was kind of just staring off into space.

"Oh. Can I read your work?" Haruhi questioned and I immediately froze and gave her a weird look. "No! No! No! I can't let anyone I know read anything I've written!" I denied shaking my head furiously. "O-kay then I was just asking."

"Yeah I know, I'm just kind of embarrassed, I don't think my stuff's all that good, you know?" I sighed sitting back in my chair and putting my feet on the desk. I yawned a little bit and decided to stare out of the window and look at that huge ass fountain.

What I would give to be back home with my friends right now…

* * *

~TIME SKIP TIME FOR THE SKIPPING OF THE JUMP FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE BECAUSE OF SHINRA'S DAD WITH HIS GAS MASK OF AWESOMENESS~

"Why are there fucking rose petals everywhere?! Someone has to clean that shit up you know!"

"Why don't you do it if they bug you so much?" Kyoya answered and I glared daggers at him. I fucking hate that douchetent. Yes douchetent, I'm not really sure what it means but it seems to fit to me. "

I'm borrreeeedddd~!" I whined as I sat with my feet sticking up in the air and my head hanging off the couch while playing on my phone. "No one asked for your opinion." Hikaru spat. Kira I hate this place. I mean Mori and Honey are ok, but that's about it. And even they're a little iffy.

Even that fucking adorable piece of shit who gave me a whole chocolate cake is iffy.

"What are you guys even waiting for?" I continued to bitch and moan on and on until I saw the door handle turn. That shut me up. Who the hell… according to douchetent the host club wasn't open for another like 20 minutes. Is there another host who didn't show up yesterday?!

Oh please not more of them…

"Haruhi?" I asked in disbelief as I stared at the petite girl. "Th-this is a hos-host club?!" she stuttered as she backed against the door. Oh boy…

"Oh wow it's a boy!" the twins exclaimed in unison. That's right they don't really know Haruhi. "Hikaru, Kaoru I believe this young man is in the same class as you, isn't he?" Kyoya looked over to said twins. "Yeah but he's shy. He doesn't act very socially so we don't know much about him." They shrugged in unison.

Wait boy…?

Oh that is hilarious. They think Haruhi is a boy. I just kept my mouth shut as I decided to watch this all unfold.

And suddenly thundercunt over there gave a smirk. Aww he figured it out so quickly! Nerrr! "Well that wasn't very polite." Kyoya stated smugly. Oh Izaya I hate you Kyoya.

"Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Mister Honor student."

"What?! You must be Haruhi Fujioka!" Tamaki stared at her wide eyed. Oh great now he's going to go into one of his little _'things.'_ Please no make him shut the fuck up, it's so annoying! I groaned as I and covered my ears hoping not to kill off too many brain cells. Don't want to become as stupid as those girls earlier.

"You're the exceptional honor student we've heard about!" Tamaki continued and Haruhi froze in her struggling to escape as she slowly turned back towards us. "How do you know my name…?"

"Why you're infamous, it's not everyday that a commoner gains entrance into our academy." Kyoya was blunter than a baseball bat. "Fucking rich people looking down on normal people. I'm a commoner too jackass, no wait screw that I don't want to be a commoner, I want to be a normaler~!"

"You must have an audacious nerve to work hard enough to fight your way into this school as an honor student Mr. Fujioka." Kyoya complimented(?) as he completely ignored me. "Well…uhh, thank you I guess?" Haruhi looked completely shocked and a little ticked off, but who could blame her? Kyoya was being a cunt pipe.

Wait he's always doing that…

"You're welcome!" Tamaki put an arm around Haruhi's shoulder. "You're a hero to other poor people Fujioka! You've shown the world that even a poor person can excel at an elite private academy!" Tamaki cheered for the brown haired girl and I rolled my eyes. Poor? Yeah why don't you just shut the fuck up blondie before I knock your teeth down your throat.

Ok maybe that was a little violent but still. Shut up. At this point my only friend in Japan looked highly uncomfortable and started to move away from the idiot droning on about Kira knows what, only for him to follow. Doesn't this guy know anything about backing off?

"It must be hard for you to constantly be looked down upon by others." Tamaki strolled closer to the still fleeing Haruhi. "I think you're taking this poor thing too far."

"Spurred, neglected, but that doesn't matter now… Long live the poor! We welcome you poor man to our world of beauty!"

You know who Tamaki reminds me of exactly? The Viscount Druitt from Black Butler. I swear those two are related, both over react to everything, both are blonde, and they both have purple eyes. What if… Tamaki is a reincarnation of the Viscount Druitt?!

This changes everything I know!

"I'm out of here." Haruhi muttered. "No take me with you Haruhi!" I called. Before either of us could react Honey pulled her back. "Hey! Come back here Haru-chan! You must be like a super hero or something! That's so cool!"

OH MY GOD SO FUCKING CUTE!

"I'm not a hero, I'm an honor student. AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING HARU-CHAN?!" she roared the last part at a now scared Honey-senpai. Aww poor thing I could just snuggle him to death. He's so fucking cute. "I never would've imagined that the famous scholar, would be so openly gay."

Wait what?

No.

"Openly what…?"

And at this point I stopped paying attention entirely as Tamaki went off into one of his little _things._

Poor, poor Haruhi.

Although something did break me out of my not giving a fuck. I gasped as I heard a crash on the ground and saw a now shattered vase and a shocked Haruhi.

Well shit…

* * *

_**Oh look I'm actually going to follow the plotline!**_

_**For the anime of course... I've said this once and I'll say it again FUCK THE MANGA**_

_**Izaya: Haven't you read all the manga for every anime you've watched**_

_**SHUT UP THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT IZA-KUN! *anime fit***_

_**And when I run out of anime to twerk- I mean work- with I'll make up shit (Oh Kira...)**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- shall be updated tomorrow**_

_**It's Complicated- Thursday shall be it's final chappy**_

_**But don't worry (actually you should) I plan on making a sequel**_

_**Collab- clusterfuckery clusterfuckery everywhere**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- you're here. It's pretty obvious like those maps in the mall where the star is fucking gigantic and it's obvious where you are but you can't even see half the bitching stores because they're all being blocked off by that cunt storm start who's being a slut tower like what the fucking fuck?!**_

_**Ahh ranting**_

_**~In Narnia with the host club, Xxle-grellxX, and Kira knows who for Shawarma-don't ask don't hate~**_

_**Author-chan: I have a song stuck in my head**_

_**Kyoya: What song?**_

_**Author-chan: Sarcasm by Get Scared**_

_**Melody: OH GREAT SONG!**_

_**L, Melody, Violet, Author-chan, and Hope: WHAT A CYANIDE SURPRISE YOU HAVE LEFT FOR MY EYES IF I HAD COMMON SENSE I'D CUT MYSELF OR CURL UP AND DIE!**_

_**Claude: ...**_

_**Luna: That sounds like a good song**_

_**Izaya: Why does Melo-chan know such a song~?**_

_**Melody: Huh?**_

_**Zach: He looked up the lyrics**_

_**Ciel: I like the way it sounds**_

_**Tamaki: That song is scary**_

_**Beyond Birthday: WHERE'S MY JAM?!**_

_**Hope: I told you I ate it, it's more gone than Eren's mother**_

_**Author-chan: Oh Kira I cried in chappy 49 of the Attack on Tertan manga**_

_**Levi: DON'T REMIND US WHAT HAPPENED LITTLE SHIT!**_

_**Erwin: Calm down Levi it's not like I die**_

_**Author-chan and Izaya: *Medusa grin***_

_**Medusa: HEY THAT'S MY GRIN**_

_**Honey: Cake**_

_**Lawliet: Cake?**_

_**Shizuo: Cake?**_

_**Author-chan: Cake? (Cake is Author-chan bait)**_

_**Claude: Well now I know how to catch an Author-chan**_

_**Luna: WHOA DON'T BE ALL RAPEY HERE CLAUDE AND YES RAPEY IS A WORD NOW! DON'T BE FRANCY-PANTS WE ONLY NEED ONE OF HIM**_

_**Russia: Become one with Mother Russia da?**_

_**All OC's and Author-chan: Da! Da!**_

_**Shizuo: 0.0**_

_**Celty: *disturbed***_

_**Izaya: Well then where can I get some purple eye contacts and bleach?**_

_**Alois: OLE**_

_**Fun Fact: Porcupines float in water**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	7. Now kiss and make up(?)

_**I'm back!**_

_**Izaya: Yay we totally missed yo- *gets shot***_

_**SHUT UP**_

_**Anywhore I found Black Butler season 3 episode one...**_

_**Dude...whoa**_

_**SEBASTIAN IS EVEN SEXIER AND MORE BADASS SOMEHOW!**_

_**SQUUEEEEE**_

_**Moving on...I've had some serious writers block and then I discovered Supernatural so yeah...**_

_**sorry**_

**_Disclaimer:_ _I do not own Ouran Highschool Host Club_**

**_Fun Fact: Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married._**

**_WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Wait why am I asking..._**

* * *

Well shit…

"Kyoya you are by far the biggest douchebag I have ever come across in my life time. In past lives too, I can sense this."

"You realize the only reason I'm even keeping you in here right now is because I know you have nowhere to go since you live with the Hitachiin family at the current moment."

"Oh yes I'm well aware, but did you really have to go and make our poor Haruhi a host?"

"He doesn't have the money to pay us back, so this is the next best option." Kyoya shrugged typing furiously on his laptop while I watched him. As usual I was sitting on the couch with my feet sticking up and my head upside down. "Aww don't bullshit me, we both know Haruhi is a g-i-r-l~."

"Yes but the others don't."

"Because you think that they're such incompetent fucktards that you don't want to risk telling them in fear of their almost microscopic brains melting?" I asked as he pushed up his glasses. "Yes, somewhat to that degree."

"You're boring."

"Luna if you would so kindly leave me to do my work that would be fantastic." Kyoya gave a fake smile and I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, I should've gone shopping with Haru-chan." I groaned getting up only to be glomped by Honey.

"Luna-chan! Luna-chan! Do you want to have some cake with me?" He gave an adorable smile and I swear I died. So…fucking…cute…

Just SO KAWAII-DESU!

"Honey I can't breathe!" I gasped. This kid really is going to be the death of me. Why are all the cute things so damn deadly?! "Oh sorry Luna-chan."

I just shrugged and smiled when I saw Haruhi walk back in with a bag of shit-erm I mean supplies for the super important host club. "Haruhi save me!" I cried over dramatically as I ran towards her and attached my body to her leg like a koala. **But koalas are evil things…**

**Evil, evil things**

* * *

~LE TIME SKIP OF SHIZUO AND LEVI GOING ON A HUNT FOR THE INFAMOUS INFO BROKER OF SHINJUKU AND IKEBUKURO- THAT'S RIGHT EVERYONE IZAYA ORIHARA~

"Hey you know that one princess that was Tamaki's guest?" I asked looking at Kaoru. "What about her?" they asked in unison.

"She's a total bitch." I stated flatly and they just stared at me. Which of course made me feel very uncomfortable. I really don't like being stared at, especially by rich kids that I'm forced to live with. I shifted a little bit as I grabbed my phone from my butt pocket-where all girls store their phone (unless of course their bra)- and gave both of them a glare.

"Take my phone and I will make it my personal goal-no conquest to destroy both of you with my bare hands and then dispose of your bodies in the interesting and anime-ish way possible." I hissed as I started playing Flappy Bitch.

It can never be called Flappy Bird as long as I have it.

"You're record is only 67? That game looks so easy I bet I could beat you in one try." Hikaru said as he leaned in closer to me, earning the Levi stare of death and destruction. These two are really getting on my nerves…

"Fine, why don't you give it a try?" I grinned as I handed the phone to him and he gave a cocky smirk before turning his attention towards the screen. I laughed when he didn't even get past one tube. "You suck at that game, and here you are talking shit!"

"I've never played it before!"

"Still you said you could better in one shot and you didn't even get past one tube!" I exclaimed pointing a finger at him before I returned to the assault on my laughter box. I then changed back to a serious demeanor. "Why are you guys in my room again?"

"This isn't _your _room. This is _our _house anyways." Hikaru snorted and we both shot lightning bolts at each other. "Hikaru you really don't help the whole rich people are assholes thing…" I muttered to myself.

"And for the record this technically is my room because this is also technically my house. I live here too. And you need to accept the fact that I hate this just as much as you do. In all honesty I was forced to be here. There was no choice in the matter."

"You just never shut up do you?"

"Well at least I'm not fangirling right now, and I'm actually wasting my time and breath to have a civilized conversation with you two assholes." I snorted crossing my arms over my chest. I really hate rich kids…

"What makes us assholes?" they questioned in unison and I sighed. "Well let's see here, you seem to blame all of this shit on me, you're rude to me, you took away my phone, you don't give me personal space, you look down on me, you look down on others, you play tricks on others-thank Kira not me or I'd have your necks…" I trailed off listing all the reasons why I believed they were genuine holes in a bum.

Bags of douche.

Baskets of skank.

The ass of Jack.

"You're not nice to us either." Kaoru pointed out. "Well did you expect me to be all super-duper fun time happy when I came here expecting a vacation and instead was forced to live with two people I had never met, and leave everything I knew behind?" I retorted. "Well you do have a point there." Hikaru nodded.

"Finally! Hikaru said something that involved me that wasn't a harsh insult!" I cheered sarcastically and got another shared look from the twins. "How can you tell us apart?"

"Best. Memory. Ever. I told you guys this. Besides you're pretty easy to tell apart if I just become Izaya and people watch." I grinned at both of them and they frowned. "Great I knew she could only last so long before going back to anime."

"Honestly I'm shocked she lasted this long…"

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! BLUE!" I screamed putting a finger on my nose and earning a confused glance from the two brothers. Oh that's right they don't know the "that's what she said" game, do they? I laughed a little bit at that fact. I quickly explained the game to them and they shook their heads at me in disapproval.

After that they left-thank the titan gods- and I was left back by myself as I turned on some good ol' Soul Eater, which left me thinking one thing.

These twins aren't as bad as I thought. They're still assholes but…

* * *

_**Heyya!**_

_**Wassssssuuuuuuuppp**_

_**Izaya: Bitch this aint no frat house**_

_***cries***_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- updated earlier.**_

_**Things aren't what they appear- shall be updated after this**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- you're here**_

_**Collab story- I just...don't even fucking know DAMNIT SOBSTORY FUCKING PM MEEEEEE**_

_**~In the crack house (WTF?!) with the Host Club, Xxle-grellxX, and others for edible notebooks and glass...we ran out of food, ALLEN ATE IT ALL LIKE THE BAG OF DOUCHE HE IS!~**_

_**Allen: Sorry!**_

_**Author-chan: MY CHOCOLATE**_

_**Hope: MY FAYGO**_

_**Luna: MY ICE CREAM**_

_**Raven: MY SOMETHING RICH PEOPLE EAT**_

_**Violet: MY TAKIS**_

_**Melody: MY SOUR CANDY**_

_**L: MY CAKE**_

_**Honey: MY CAKE**_

_**Nikki: MY FOOD IN GENERAL**_

_**Author-chan: NIKKI! MY FRIEND**_

_**Nikki: Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit**_

_**Sebastian: I never will understand human beings**_

_**Izaya: Good they're MY humans not yours**_

_**Yuno: JUST DON'T TOUCH MY YUKKI**_

_**Melody: Yandere EHHHHHHHHHHH**_

_**Beyond Birthday: JA-**_

_**Author-chan: *punches* WE'RE SICK OF YOUR SHIT BEYOND**_

_**Kyoya: I'm a douche bag**_

_**Kyoya: MAKE ME UNSAY THAT RIGHT NOW!**_

_**Hikaru: But it's kinda true...**_

_**Kyoya: *Levi glare***_

_**Levi: Tch find your own glare brat**_

_**Luna: WHERE'S THE POPCORN**_

_**Tamaki: Ehh he's scary *points at Levi***_

_**Levi: ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD**_

_**Author-chan: yes they are Le- *gets stabbed***_

_**Levi: You're worse than a titan**_

_**Eren: TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER!**_

_**Violet: Oh god I have the opening to Code Geass stuck in my head**_

_**Lelouch: I COMMAND YOU NEVER TO CALL ME LEDOUCHE AUTHOR-CHAN!**_

_**Author-chan: HAHAHA GEASS DOES NOT WORK ON ME LEDOUCHE**_

_**Mao: C.C.! Let's go live on an island together! I love you C.C.!**_

_**Mika: OH GOD THE YANDERENESS**_

_**Hope: Will we ever do Mika's story?**_

_**Author-chan: No she's strictly a roleplay character**_

_**Claude: Roleplay?**_

_**Every otaku: *gasp* YOU DO NOT KNOW OF ROLEPLAY?! GET OUT NOW!**_

_**Fun Fact: Dogs have four toes on their hind feet, and five on their front feet.**_

_**WHO THE FUCK COUNTS THAT SHIT?!**_

_**A DOG RAPIST?!**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


End file.
